Hush
by Laerkstrein
Summary: With the end staring her in the face, there was no longer any reason to keep her feelings hidden.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Bleach, _or any of the _Bleach_ characters used in this fic. They all belong to Tite Kubo: the genius behind the captivating manga that started it all. I only own any of my original characters that I choose to include, as well as any of my own original plot ideas.

**Hush  
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**Prompt: **I wouldn't mind being here forever...

**A/N: **I know I wrote it, but I'm still crying.**  
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><p>When news had reached her, she had been filling out various prescriptions in her office, awaiting Captain Ukitake's planned visit that evening. It was then that Isane had come in with eyes wide, hands covered in blood, relaying information she had received from Third Seat Iemura in regards to one of the Soul Reapers they'd recovered from the battlefield. At first, Retsu had no idea why her lieutenant would bother telling her such a thing, as she had given everyone instructions to treat any of their own. But when Isane had explained that they didn't recognize the man, Retsu had dropped everything and followed her lieutenant.<p>

Her pace quickened as Isane had continued to explain the situation, her mind drowning out everything but the beating of her own sinking heart. More than anything, she wanted her assumption to be wrong, hoping that the one she thought of hadn't done something stupid and irrational. She had stepped around the corner to find Hanataro staring at her solemnly, his uniform worn and bloody as he handed her a clipboard.

Upon sending Hanataro back to his regular duties, she followed Isane through the halls of the sick bay, silence having overcome her. There was no time to speak to her subordinates; they would have to take care of things on their own for a while, as she was dealing with more _personal _problems. She looked forward, catching her lieutenant's questioning gaze. The young woman had clearly discovered that something was bothering her captain, which Retsu silently gave her credit for. Were she more comfortable with the situation, perhaps she would have seriously considered sharing her... scandal with her companion.

When Isane came to a halt, she turned away, the beads in her hair clinking together lightly. Were she not around, Retsu would have surely darted into the room almost in tears. But she had to maintain a professional attitude, regardless of who she was being asked to treat. The captain closed her eyes, slipping through the doorway, silently praying that her fears wouldn't come true. But there was no such luck. Her heart sank when she dared to look, averting her gaze to the incarnadine pool that had formed on the floor. She covered her mouth with a hand, waving Isane away as she closed the door.

She was in hell, sorrowful and angry all at once. For being such a genius, this man was the most reckless idiot she'd ever come into contact with. Her gaze swept upward, eyes meeting those that stared back at her, and crossed the room in silence, kneeling beside him, ignoring the blood that would surely stain her uniform. Material things could easily be fixed or replaced. If only the same laws applied to healing...

From what she could tell, there was little pain as he watched her, almost apologetically. She grimaced as he looked away, taking notice of the blood that seeped from the ghastly wound at the base of his skull. It was painful, sitting there like a frightened child, wanting to hold and heal that which had been hopelessly destroyed. Her hand moved with her body as she seated herself on the edge of the stained sheets, fingers gently grazing his face.

He ignored her, closing his eyes as if to shut her out completely. But she would not be swayed by such a childish action. Retsu sighed, her face hovering just above his. He was broken now, broken far beyond repair. And she was powerless to do anything. The wave crashed over her, forcing her mouth to press against his, begging for just a moment that would later ease her aching heart. She trembled, slipping her tongue between his teeth as she slid her body over his.

There was no time for her to regret keeping such a wonderful thing hidden, for her secret would soon be carried off to the grave, and she would be left behind.

Retsu burned as she felt his body breaking beneath hers, almost as if she had spontaneously caught fire. A gasp caught in her throat as he moved, the tang of his blood seeping into her mouth as he caught hold of her shoulders, slipping a cold hand beneath her haori, pleading. As much as she wanted it, she couldn't bring herself to further torture an already dying man. The strain alone would be enough to kill him, and she wasn't yet prepared to let him go.

If time were stopped, causing this moment to go on forever, she wouldn't mind. There would be no fear, no dreaded anticipation of death stealing him away from her. To be trapped here forever would be _ideal_.

She glanced down, noting how shallow his breathing had become. Her eyes burned, pricked with an obvious show of emotion as she slid beneath him, allowing his head to rest against her shoulder. This wasn't what she'd wanted, but she'd had no control. Mayuri had never been one to listen to reason, let alone care about it. He was impulsive, brilliant... and stupid, all at once. Lingering beneath the surface was the urge to smack some sense into him, but what good would that do?

There wasn't going to be a "next time" after this. There would only be "last time" and the times before that for her to think back on. She sighed, leaning back as her eyes lingered on the whitewashed walls of the room. After this, she wouldn't be able to work in here, let alone breathe. Soon, these walls wouldn't even look white anymore...

Gently, she stroked his hair, failing to notice that Isane had opened the door, staring incredulously. It didn't matter if she, or anyone else, saw them now. Aside from Isane, her subordinates would simply think that she was comforting a patient. She glanced up, noting the shock on her lieutenant's face. It was evident that she'd never thought her captain capable of such dishonesty. But it didn't matter now. There was nothing left to hide, because she'd never have him like this again.

She gasped, realizing that his hand was caught in her hair, pulling until the tie that held her braid came undone. He'd never been too fond of the way she wore her hair, as he preferred to have it rain down upon him like a storm. Retsu shook her head, leaning over to stare into his brooding eyes. He was impossible, never once having paid attention to her warnings. That was why he was in her arms, bleeding and dying in misery.

Retsu trembled, one hand steadying his chest while the other tilted his face towards hers. This, she realized, pressing her lips against his, would be the last time. She caved, droplets escaping her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. Not once did she mind their presence, nor the salty tang of death as it finally overcame life, leaving a sour taste in her mouth.

At last, her punishment had caught up with her, leaving her to find the way out of this sea of blood.

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><p>It took a lot of planning to make this perfect...<p> 


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